I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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