Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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