that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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