i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
