i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
