sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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