Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
