Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
