some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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