what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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