this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize