:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
