Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
