fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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