if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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