thus making me awesome and them whores
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
