Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
