I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
