im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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