Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
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Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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