Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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