My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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