is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
