**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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