Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
