Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Less talking, more tequila
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
