I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
oh god the rape fog is back!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
