Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
