I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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