She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
