Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
