don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
