Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
