omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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