Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
