I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
