I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
