this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
