Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
