my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
