Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize