Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
