I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
