If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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