Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i already hear my dad disowning me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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