At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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