I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
