Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Don't make out with my wife yet
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
