i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
