I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
