thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
