That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
