I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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