i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
