I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
