your parents love me but you hate me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
