If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
