soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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