I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
