Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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