Non-Jews are for practice
It's Friday. Sex?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?