Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus