6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.