Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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