I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo