What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.