I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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