Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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