i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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