I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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