you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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