maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
