I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
