Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The Olympian is in my bed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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