i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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