1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
