dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
