Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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