I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize