Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's like heaven, but drunker
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And then he peed in my hair
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