so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
