you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
