Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize